Moon June Spoon
by Officially Retired
Summary: A songfiction in which Xelloss finds himself in a rather distracting relationship! Slight Lime tint... XelFi pairing... COMPLETED!


_**Disclaimer: I do not own The Slayers or the song Moon June Spoon… I'd Be A Whole Lot Richer If I Did Though!**__

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_Hello all! This is my first song ficcie! And certainly not one I will ever consider to be my best! (nn)_

_However, that doesn't matter because this song fic wrote itself last week when I was listening to the All Request Retro Show W/ Alf. Normal I zone that sort of thing out, but when I heard this song a whole series of twisted images flew threw my mind! (Oo)_

_Alas, there was indeed nothing I could do but write them down! (oo)_

_Unfortunately, I'm not certain the general populace will see them the same way I do… (oo)_

_So… If you've read any of my previous work… FORGET IT!_

_Please go into this with an open mind… and PLEASE, PLEASE, let me know what you think about this one…_

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**Moon June Spoon; Lyrics By Spot:** A Song Fiction in which Xelloss forms a rather distracting relationship for which Lord Beastmaster punishes him severely and orders him to do something about it. Xelloss reflects on the situation and decides to make a choice; well he tries anyway…

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_What would you say if I told you I had a craving for another girl in black?_

* * *

Xelloss sighed in contentment looking over at the peacefully sleeping dragon maiden beside him. Oh wait! He meant dragon_ matron,_ now didn't he! His smirk widened into a leer as he gazed up and down her luscious sleeping form. He had bought her a stunning black negligee while they had been out last night. The mortified look on her face as he handed it to her over the dinner table at the inn had been priceless. The secret feelings of naughty desire that had been wallowing underneath all that embarrassment had been even better!

* * *

_The timing isn't right… But what can I say?  
It just happened… I didn't force it… I couldn't stop it at the start…_

* * *

About three months ago Lord Beastmaster had ordered him to disrupt a small kingdom that had begun taking quite an interest in Holy Magic. Well obviously the monster race couldn't have that now, could they? It had taken Xelloss a whole two hours to diagnose the Kingdom's weakness and form a plan to extort it to start a revolution. He had been so pleased by what was sure to be an easy victory for the monster race he had decided to let the town have one last final night of peace.

In typical sadistic form, Xelloss had gone out into the city to make small talk with the very same mortals he intended to have screaming in agony the next evening. However, as he headed further into town he had discovered a most interesting sight! Xelloss had smirked at the painting of a mace laid across an antique jar. It was a rather unusual combination, he was certain this store could only belong to one person, and so naturally he'd phased into her bedroom to say hello!

Oh she had chased him with her mace a bit! Smashed a great deal of priceless goods and even leveled the kiln! Finally after a few weeks of the same routine… one thing had led to another… and now his little dragon was all grown up and sporting black lace undergarments!

… there was however, that pesky business of leveling the Kingdom…

…yes…

…he'd have to do something about that wouldn't he?

…Ooooh goody! She's finally awake!... hmm well only if you want to Fi-chan… I mean I'm not going to object if you want too… THREE TIMES! Oh my!

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_Now isn't that odd?  
Now isn't that odd?_

* * *

Xelloss sighed, yet again as Filia snuggled into his chest and slipped into the land of slumber. This was quite entertaining. He was almost confident the in just a few more nights he could convince her to let him use the hand cuffs and switches! Of course the only way she'd allow that was if they took turns, but hey! He was willing to give in order to receive!

… there was however, that pesky business of leveling the Kingdom…

…yes…

…he'd have to do something about that wouldn't he?

"XELLOSS!" Rang a lucid voice throughout his head causing him to gulp.

* * *

_  
Yes I could stay with you forever…_

_but I have an appointment with a crackling crow inside…_

* * *

Xelloss sighed again, this time in_ dis_pleasure, as he glanced down at the content dragoness.

"XELLOSS!" Rang the voice again. "What are you doing! GET BACK HERE **_NOW_**!"

Another sigh as he thought his clothing back into existence before phasing out. "Yes, Mistress."

* * *

_It's been here since the start of the ride and I feel under my white skin... _

_The hard caress of dark feather tips within..._

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"Xelloss, wipe that stupid grin off you face!" The Greater Beast commanded, setting the switch aside and rubbing her temple. "Honestly, this is supposed to punishment, not foreplay."

"Oh dear!" Xelloss replied hanging his head in genuine grief, he knew it would only get worse from her on out! "I am sorry Mistress, it's just…"

"It's just what, Xelloss?"

"Well, you see!" Xelloss stated trying to keep the cheerfulness out of his voice and failing miserably. "It's just that I was planning to try and convince Filia to participate in this very same activity this evening!"

He shook his head sadly. "While I am enjoying this particular punishment immensely I have to admit it does ruin my plans for this evening! I'd be comparing Filia's technique with yours and well… that might make things a little weird."

The Greater Beast stared at her servant's doofy smile, at a loss for words.

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_Isn't that sin?  
Isn't that sin?  
Isn't that sin?_

* * *

Zelas rubbed her temple with a sigh, and snapped her fingers releasing Xelloss' wrists from the shackles.

Xelloss fought the insane urge to pout; he was in far enough trouble as it was. Stupid dragon! Going and distracting him this way! He was just lucky his Mistress found all this very amusing or he'd_ really _be in trouble…

Suddenly the Greater beast looked up at him with a grin. "Ahh! I know the perfect punishment for this outrage, Xelloss!"

Xelloss gulped.

* * *

_Life is back when life is not moon June spoon…_

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"…And so you see Filia…" Xelloss stated casually, backing away from the enraged dragoness. "… I was only here to bring chaos and destruction to your peaceful little city! And since I allowed myself to be distracted by you, Lord Beastmaster ordered me to tell you all about this!"

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_It's more like crash bang boom…_

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"Itai…"

* * *

_More like water from the moon…_

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"Um… Filia… what are those hand cuffs for!"

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_Yes I could peel my self away …  
Fear of a judgment day…_

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"Um, Filia… I really don't have time for this!"

"There is that whole pesky business of leveling the Kingdom, remember!"

… Ooooh…

..Shouldn't say that…

… It gets her angrier…

…yes…

… It gets her angrier…

… hmm…

…nice…

… _very_ nice…

* * *

_Missing the point_

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"Filia…_ Really_… I need to go destroy the Kingdom now!"

"Uh… If I don't, Lord Beastmaster's going to be _very_ angry!"

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_Did I fear the judgment day?_

_ Did I fear the judgment day?_

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"Hmm… well maybe just a _little _longer…"

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_Missing the point…  
Missing the point…  
Missing the point…_

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"I really should phase out now… but…"

"XELLOSS!"

"Right! Going now Mistress!"

That night the city was in flames, as the revolution began. It was of course three month's late… but who's counting?

* * *

_The hunter gather set smoking little by little…_

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…Oh, that's right. The Greater Beast was…

And as she tapped her cigarette holder, she was also counting the dips her servant was taking in the large vat of lava; even a masochist couldn't properly appreciate being burned alive.

Zelas motioned for him to be pulled out, and leaned over him. "So, Xelloss… what are we to do with this little_ distraction_ of yours?"

"I'll take care of it Lord Beastmaster…"

"See that you do…"

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_Listen to me I know what's what…_

_I heard what was said…_

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"Look Filia, we both know what'll happen if this goes on!"

"Well of course I was serious when I said Lord Beastmaster was very angry!"

"Um… well yes… that _would_ make her even angrier…"

"No! Absolutely not!"

* * *

_But then I said…_

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"You managed to find a what!"

* * *

_Oh I could remember well…  
I could remember each dreamy image of our time…_

* * *

…Oh dear! Lord Beastmaster is not going too…

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_Oh doesn't that rhyme?_

* * *

"XELLOSS!"

* * *

_Doesn't that rhyme?_

_ Doesn't that rhyme?_

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Zelas sighed, eyeing her General-Priest warily as his body was consumed by piranhas. "What am I to do with you, Xelloss?"

_Oh life is back when life is not moon June spoon_…

"Give me some much needed vacation time!"

* * *

_It's more like crash bang boom_…

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"Itai…"

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_More like water from the moon…_

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"Xelloss, you know that if this keeps up I'm going to have to kill her, don't you?"

"I know."

"Then what are you going to do?"

"Take that much needed vacation if you'll let me!"

* * *

_Yes I could peel my self away_ …

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"Was that sarcasm?"

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_Fear of a judgment day…_

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"No, I was serious, Mistress. Give me the time I need to sort this out, and everything will be okay!"

* * *

_Fear of a judgment day…_

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"Very well, Xelloss. You can have until the end of spring…"

"Thank you Mistress, But I'll only need a few hours!"

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_Missing the point_ …

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"…"

* * *

_Did I fear the judgment day_?

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…She just had to cry didn't she?

* * *

_Did I fear the judgment day_?

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… Well she did say I could have until the end of spring…

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_Missing the point…  
Missing the point…  
Missing the point_…

* * *

Xelloss sighed gazing down at the sleeping dragoness, and wrapped his arms a little tighter around her. Not that it mattered really; she could never be his, because _he_ wasn't his…

… he was Hers and that was all there was to it…

… but if he could choose…

… would he?

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_She's got it… we've got it…  
She's got it… we've got it…_

* * *

They both could create such lovely violence!

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_Oh were do I go?_

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… but considering Zelas-Sama that way was becoming more and more weird…

* * *

_Where do I go?_

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… Although considering Filia _that_ way would always be weird…

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_  
Which one do I go?_

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… Maybe he could convince Lord Beastmaster to consider letting him have a little more time off so she wouldn't interfere with his work…

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_  
Where do I go_?

* * *

… Yes!

… Then he could have both!

"FINE XELLOSS! JUST PLEASE START DOING YOUR JOB!"

… yes…

… He'd do his job in the summer…

… After the end of spring…

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_Life is back when life is not MOON JUNE SPOON…_

* * *

…well he'd try anyway…

* * *

_Life is back when life is not MOON JUNE SPOON_…

* * *

… I mean she couldn't really too surprised if…

"ARRRGG! XELLOSS!"

"Hee! I was only kidding Mistress!"

* * *

_Life is not MOON JUNE SPOON…  
Life is not MOON JUNE SPOON…_

* * *

…Well… sorta…


End file.
